GWAR! GWAR! GWAR! A chant that people have been hearing repeatedly throughout the week. It was one of those weeks that sucked but, it didn't matter because GWAR was playing at the end of it. I thought how much better life would be if GWAR played at the end of every week in Jersey. You bust yer ass working fourteen hours a day all week and then GWAR plays on Friday night. Ahhhhhhhh!! yes. O.K. Wake the f**k up! So the world is not perfect. But tonight.....hehehe, it's perfect for me. I'm going to see GWAR. It was the opening night of the 20th anniversary tour, so I expected to see some old friends on stage, namely the mighty Gor-Gor, my favorite GWAR character. Maybe Sleazy or Slimey. That would be cool. I grabbed my best friend and assistant photographer, Donna, and my son, as usual, and we set out for a night of big fun at The Starland Ballroom. It would be our third time seeing GWAR this year, but we'll see them every time. I often have been heard saying that GWAR is the best time you'll ever have at a show and it truly is, but it's a war on the floor and tonight in a jam packed Starland it would be a physically exhausting bloodsoaking and although we were all prepared for battle, this one would take it's toll on the best of us!! Let's not forget that DevilDriver would be leading the first attack and wet the battlefield with sweat and leave bodies beaten in it's wake!! Hehehe, oh yeah! Let the fray begin!!
I was supposed to be on GWAR'S guestlist with a photo pass, but this was not to be. Thanks for nothing Jack! (Gwar's manager). I had planned on doing some extreme photography anyway, namely, taking pics while surfing atop the crowd, so, photo pass/ no photo pass, either way I'll be stompin' and snappin'! The first band sucked bad and I was wondering why the crowd was being so polite and not GWARing them off the stage. I was at the back bar that's why. If I had been up front I would have been screaming GWAR! after every song. Oh well. The next band didn't show up for some reason and when me and Donna realized they were setting up for DEVILDRIVER, we made our move toward the front. Pushing, shoving and squeezing by, we made it front and center. It was tight, man. Real freakin' tight. Every time I've seen DEVILDRIVER, it's been outdoors, and I couldn't wait to see them remove the roof from indoors tonight. F**k yeah! Let the Battle begin. And oh! did it ever! DEVILDRIVER hit the stage and started an immediate frenzy of arms and legs and kids flyin' around. The roof was gone after the first song. Me and Donna were right up front and I was trying to keep her in front of me and deflect the endless onslaught of crowd surfers crashing down on our heads. My son included. He's a crowd surfin' maniac and the tide was high tonight and I knew I would be riding the surf as well. Me and Donna were pinned down, but it was in a good position for pics. DEVILDRIVER was tearing the place up!! They freakin' rock!!! Dez is the man. At one point he said "O.K. I want all you stupid, bullshit, Hardcore kids to take your stupid, karate kick-dancing bullshit the f**k out of here and everybody else on the entire floor get a huge old school, counterclockwise circle going". They began pounding and the kids started whirring and it was THE most awesome cyclone that I've seen since The Ramones days! It was freakin' great, except I couldn't move to get in it. I was completely pinned in the front and I tried, but couldn't move!! Tight, man! Freakin' tight! DEVILDRIVER wiped the place out!! It was awesome!! We were soaked to the bone already. Freakin' hot! But, there was no catching your breath. The crowd was in battle between bands. Heaving from side to side. People trampling each other, although everyone looks out for one another. It was getting almost....well...dangerous. The surges from the back were literally squashing us up front. I mean squeezing the air right out of you. With every surge you could hear a moan from the entire crowd in the front. Tight, man! I couldn't get a breath in. Then heaving from side to side. People hanging on for dear life. I would still have scratches in my back a week later. I had been seperated from Donna, but I knew she would know when to get out if that be the case. After a half hour of this, I was nearly spent of all energy and I couldn't breathe. And GWAR hadn't even come out yet! It was more than a battle. It was a war. And then finally, the lights went out and the battlefield exploded!
A Nazi skinhead and The Pope appeared on stage, waving to the crowd, with GWAR, one by one, sneaking in behind. They kicked into "Krosstika" and the bloodbath began. Wacking off their heads and spewing their blood upon us, we were in a freaking frenzy!!When GWAR wacks off the first head and your down in the front, there are no words to describe the pandemonium that ensues. Kids crashing on your head, headless bodies spraying blood in your face, smoke everywhere, GWAR freakin' rockin'!!! And the slaughter has just begun! Next came "Death Pod" and the disembowlment of President Bush. Yes, a bloodsoaking. Freakin' awesome!! AWWWWW!!!!"Womb With A View". GWAR KICKIN' FREAKIN' ASS!! I had floated over to the left in the crowd, cause I needed to catch my breath and I wanted to get a pic of Flattius crankin' the opening lead of that song and I ended up right in the right place and Flattius was right in front of me. CRANKIN'!!!! A war was waging on on the floor of The Starland. The pit in total chaos. I looked right to see my son surfing by, bloodsoaked, fist pumping in the air, while catching other kids and throwing them off my head. It was the shiiiiiiiaaatt!!! The decapitation of Dick Cheney to "The Salaminizer". "Love Surgery" while chopping off Sharon Osbourne's breasts. Holy Shit, it was the sh*t!! Then..... Michael Jackson! Oh fuuuuu.....!The slaughtering of Michael to "Babyraper" is a GWAR classic I'll cherish forever. Another one of my new favorites, "Bring Back the Bomb" bombed the sh*t out of us and then Warghoul came out with a Jason Voorhees mask on and a trick or treat bucket and got Oderus' sword as a treat and we got Warghouls blood as a treat ourselves, to the tune of "Bonesnapper". The chaos continued with "Immortal Corrupter" and then.....and then......GOR-GOR COMES AND YOU MUST DIE!!! Yes! Yes! We all start chanting "GOR-GOR, GOR-GOR"! I can't tell you how freakin' insane I was at this point! The Mighty GOR-GOR came out right in front of me. Time for some Extreme Photography!! I pushed my way backwards until I reached the pit. I looked at two guys and gave them the thumbs up sign and up I went...atop the crowd. I snapped a pic and tumbled toward the stage. I was trying to aim my camera at the stage when I torpedoed, face first into the back of someone's head, then tossed left, then shiiiiiaaattttt!!!! I was upside down with my feet straight up in the air. I came full over 360 dgrees and landed sitting atop the crowd, flying towards the open jaws of GOR-GOR. I flew over the barrier, snapping a pic in GOR-GOR'S face as a bouncer snapped me from his gaping jaws just in time, saving me from a horrible death and from becoming lunch for The Tyrant King! I stumbled to the side, exhausted and watched GWAR do "Road Behind" while Oderus walked around pissing on the frenzied crowd. They ended up with an awesome medley from their first album "Hell-O Again" that they hadn't played in decades. It was cool. And then they left, leaving the Starland in total destruction and Tgod with a shiner that would last over a week. F**k Yeah!! We were totally bruised and battered, and scratched, me and Donna. Some kids shook my hand and remembered me from the last GWAR show, with my EMO SUX shirt. My son...yeah he wants to see them again next week in Philly. Ahhhhh yes! If only they play every weekend! shiiiiaaaaatt...I'd be dead soon.